David J Bauman

Is it just me or were fortune cookies once upon a time more interesting, more likely to cause a reaction or elicit an, “oooh?” These days the ones I open seem to be more little affirmations, or positive-thinking slogans, not that I have anything against the power of positive thinking unless of course, it means unrealistic thinking, and I suppose that touches on a different and debatable topic. I only wish to point out that fortune cookies used to be more intriguing, mysterious, and fun. Maybe I’ve just finally grown up, but I don’t look forward to opening them anymore.

On the left is a grouping from our last order (we must have gotten a lot of food). The first one seems to have a bit of the old mystery about it; the last one is a Yoda quote, but the ones in between? Eh. Nice thoughts, but there is no gut punch to them. Does that make any sense? Do I really want my fortune cookies to be tiny Chinese poems? Maybe I do. Maybe I do.

I suppose you can still add the words “in bed” at the end of them, particularly the Yoda quote.

Here is an old poem of mine that came about as a series of reactions to a collection of more interesting cookie fortunes:

The Cynic and the Fortune Cookie

        I. 

From listening comes wisdom. 
From speaking comes repentance-- 
   So shut up and hear
   what I'm saying.

Keep true to the dreams of youth. 
Plan for pleasures ahead. 
   But be ready for pain; 
   you'll be disillusioned soon enough. 

Small steps you take 
will ultimately bring you fortune—
   or disaster. 

              II. 

Enthusiasm will bring promotion 
when you least expect it—
   but too much passion 
   will bring suspicion. 

Your ideals are within your reach. 
All your hard work will soon pay off— 
   for someone else who will get the credit 
   while you stand accused 
   of being an idealistic dreamer.

Honesty and integrity are two 
of your best attributes. 
   Too bad they're so impractical. 


             III. 

Time and Patience are called for; 
many surprises await you, 
   but hesitate and you'll fail. 

You are well liked and much-loved. 
Someone is speaking well of you, 
   but don't turn around just now. 

Your luck has entirely changed today—
   and you thought it was bad before.

Good luck will bestow upon you. 
   Hopefully. Someday.